The weather of this past weekend has been awakening my senses for a beach bonfire. The afternoons have been incredibly warm, in the high 80s and 90s, which then fade into warm twilights and evenings with my windows open, drinking in the air of late spring nights.
Mondays are still a bit anti-climactic at work…which is why I am sitting at my desk catching up on writing and blogging and dreaming of things non-work related, when I should instead be brainstorming strategies on how to increase my productivity for the week. A couple weeks ago, I almost had a nervous breakdown in front of my immediate supervisor, due to heightened levels of anxiety caused by the looming weight of productivity expectations. These expectations are one aspect of this job I would rather dismiss. I understand that it is what keeps the clinicians accountable to the work they do, but for me, productivity expectations take the joy out of sitting, meeting, and sharing with my clients and their families. I’m not up to 100% yet, but I don’t have a full caseload yet either. And after my mini-episode of a couple Mondays ago, I have since told myself to let it go, to simply do the best I can, and that God will take care of the rest. But I still feel the weight of Productivity hovering just over my shoulders. Sigh.
Yesterday afternoon, I had the opportunity to play with two adorable children. They hail from a family I had been working with for the past year and half as a Floortime Specialist (also known officially as a “DIR Interventionist”). Bennie, my former client, is now 6 going on 7, and remains an avid lover of Disney/Pixar animated films, roaming the backyard and neighborhood, twirling plant leaves and stems, and dreaming up all sorts of schemes and plots in his mind, while looking for accomplices to help him carry them out. His younger sister, Tilly, is a bubble of joy and energy and sunshine, far more intelligent than any other 4-year old I have known… she calls me “Musette”, and yesterday she hurled herself at my knees in a very ecstatic expression of hello.
We spent the afternoon watching Toy Story and A Bug’s Life, playing with puzzles and big, bouncy exercise balls, while Ben engaged in his most recent passion of ripping magazine pages into l-o-o-o-o-n-n-n-n-g shreds.
I was reminded of how much I love this family and their children, and how special the work was that I had done with them. No matter how much I enjoy the work I am doing now, there is something unforgettable about becoming so intimately connected with someone that everything else following tastes a little bit more gray and bland.
I am grateful that though I am no longer a “Floortime Specialist”, at least I can work as Respite and provide the amazing parents of these children some time to live their lives.
Nonetheless, moments such as these are what gives flavor to my weeks, as days melt into weeks, which turn into months, which fade into years of time that pass by unawares.
I am sure this week will turn out to be another adventure. It’s only Monday. Who knows what more dreams may come?