i’m in the process of moving again. this time, i’m moving out one more time to los angeles (hancock park/koreatown) in search of … fill-in-the-blank.
i’ll be a bit closer to work (a 41.1 mile one-way commute cut to 19.5 miles)…
i’ll be a bit closer to community (city light church)…
i’ll be a bit closer to those places in los angeles which i love… the grove, the west side, downtown, little tokyo, pasadena…
it feels strange pulling up my roots in order to move again. i lived on my own for four years while in college, came home, moved out again briefly to pico-union/los angeles when i worked at KAFSC, came home again, and now i’m striking out for the third time. hopefully, third time’s the charm.
i don’t mind so much living at home, though. being with parents always makes life easy… warmth, family, bright sounds of laughter and conversation, food, everything i need within an easy grasp.
i wonder what being in a new place will bring. i’m excited, but also a bit nervous. ’tis a big commitment… i’m finally growing up into an adult. since i’m already thirty, i guess it’s about time, huh?
come visit if you’d like, please.
i can’t write because my heart is full.
so full of feelings, thoughts, expressions, memories of the past few weeks that a blog entry will not do justice.
the ironic thing is that nothing special has happened. life has been work + weekend, as always.
i wish that i could give you a snapshot of the relationships i have begun to forge in the past several weeks. each is a journey to where i have no idea will lead. i simply know i am along for the ride.
i know it is advised against, to become caught up in these relationships. i want to fight for them. i want to take them home with me. i want to give them tastes of what life could be like, if only circumstances were different. sadly, i cannot do any of this literally. i can fight, but the battle is painful and arduous. and often, the very ones i am fighting for are their own worst enemies. they leave traces in my mind of vulnerability… hearts who long for love and affection, but who have been treated in the worst way.
there must be hope for them.
i must be hope for them.
you can’t save them all… daily i am reminded. and what scares me most is the future. i told one of them this week, “i’ll be here as long as you need me.” and he just looked at me. in the quiet of that moment, i hope he got it. and i hope he’ll remember that.
perhaps i care more than i should. i’m beginning to understand, in the most miniscule of senses, what God’s heart feels for His broken ones.