melancholy

i had coffee last night with a dear friend of mine who was home to visit her family for the thanksgiving holidays. we laughed about how almost 10 years have passed since we graduated from college… laughter mixed with a hint of wistfulness over the way our lives have turned out since then. nothing to complain or be melancholy about, but surely a far cry from the idealism of youthful adulthood. sigh. the holidays always bring opportunity for re-evaluation and re-examination. this year is no different. i’ve been reflecting back somewhat on events, people, relationships, challenges, memories, and it’s safe to say that i would never have imagined myself to be in the place i currently am, when 2009 first came into view. but i also realize that the older i become, the deeper these thoughts and imaginings and reflections become. sometimes i almost feel as if life is leaving me behind in its grand, madcap dash for the finish line. on the other hand, i know nothing of the the tribulations and challenges my friend shared with me last night. i’m still waiting to experience them. and i know nothing of the joys either. again, i’m still waiting to experience them. in between the earnest conversation and the bursts of laughter, we shared moments of silence where we thought about who we had been and how life might be different, had we the chance to go back in time and reclaim those years.

every year, the anxiety creeps in just a little bit more. and this winter, i can feel myself growing restless.

to each her own, right? as i reassured my friend last night, God knows better than us what we need.

but sometimes there are days when i dread the thought of what’s ahead… if what’s ahead is the same monotony, emptiness, day-in-and-day-out, same-same-same routine, in the grand scheme of things. i cringe. there must be more.

“things in the past, things yet unseen, wishes and dreams that are yet to come true.”

Advertisements