some people come to ask questions. others come to find God. and then there are those who come to find a sense of community.
i’ve gone to church for as long as i can remember. in my early early years, i went to church with my grandma. it was a tiny church, and i remember we moved locations several several times. there was no structured children’s program or youth group. all the kids just had one sunday school teacher. but i remember participating in the yearly Christmas program, always doing the same “Silent Night” routine with candlesticks.
in sixth grade, i began attending Inland Korean Presbyterian Church in Pomona, as it was called back then. i still recall my sense of fear and anxiety on my first Sunday in Sunday school, and how I asked my mom to sit in the class with me. i don’t know what the other kids thought about that, but my mom graciously and comfortingly obliged. and that summer, i joined the youth group. Inland youth group gradually became home over those awkward years of adolescence, trying to “find” myself and my identity in God. i attended Inland Church for about 15 years, minus the four years that i went away to Smith College and found my community at Amherst Koinonia Church, but that’s a whole separate blog entry in itself, so i’ll save it for later. through that time, IKPC changed… it grew… we outgrew the first building and the congregation agreed to build a shiny new two-story sanctuary with rows of palm trees in front. IKPC became Inland Church (PCA). the youth group split into separate middle/high school and college groups. the college group became an English Ministry. the young adults entered. The English Ministry became a young adult ministry, while the college group went back to being its own separate entity. the youth group split between junior high and senior high. and so it goes on and on. though i haven’t returned to Inland since i left around 2005, i’m sure many changes have occurred since then, and will continue to occur.
City Light Church has been my community for the past five years, but it too has changed gradually. and i think that’s where i’ve found the disconnect and discontent within myself: having difficulty with change, but never wanting to grow complacent. stagnant. trying to find a balance within the two states.
so there are definitely questions i’ve been wrestling with, emotional states i have found myself in, wondering what is the best for me, but then again, knowing “church” is not about me and filling my needs. why do i go to church? why have i gone to church? to ask questions? to find God? to be a part of community?
does any of this really matter?
some would argue that it does… ask me on a different day, and i would probably agree… over the years i have found community within the church. i have found stability, comfort, security. i’ve found a sense of home.
but lately, i guess i’ve been growing restless again. no matter how great this current community is, i can’t help thinking that there must be more…