steadfast

twenty-ten has been a year of His faithfulness.

it’s still mind-boggling and humbling when i think about the things that have happened this past year and how He has kept Himself faithful through it all. in the moments of day-to-day, as i am immersed in my work and my life, my relationships and my struggles, i get lost often and don’t see the way ahead, nor what has transpired behind me. but it’s at times like these, when i’m forced to look back and reflect upon the past year, that i see the forest for the trees….the vast expanse…the deep calling to deep. and i’m renewed in my realization that He is truly good, that He is working all things for His good, and that THAT will translate into my good, so that His glory be reflected in me.

i think about some moments that shaped a teeny fraction of this year:

a young client running into his kitchen, grabbing and pointing a large knife at me, out of his anger towards me for setting limits with him.

having a serious phone conversation with my father’s transplant specialist and feeling again those overwhelming feelings of helplessness and grief when he told me he was not sure how many more years my dad has left.

my brother announcing his engagement and the news creating drama between my parents and him and his fianceè, and me being the younger, diplomatic sibling trying to explain my brother’s point of view to my parents.

taking trips to Korea and New Jersey, meeting my nephews for the first time, and being reminded again of my desire to work with children on the spectrum of autism.

falling in love with a teeny, tiny doggie as he crawled into my lap over and over again, on the cold linoleum of an emergency vet clinic.

fostering a community of warmth, safety, and friendship through the community group i volunteered to lead, while wrestling with questions about what community means and my feelings of disconnect with the larger community i had been a part of.

thinking about my future and what it means to journey with someone, God willing.

 

again, just a teeny fraction of the past year. and through it all, i have come to a closer understanding of His faithfulness, His grace, who I am in light of His grace, and how it’s not about me at all. The journey is not over yet and all of a sudden, Philippians 3:12-14 pops into my mind – knowing i am nowhere near where i ought to be, and yet pressing on towards the goal which He has called me to.

i was talking with a friend recently about new year’s resolutions. sometimes i make them…. other times i don’t. this year, i don’t quite have a set resolution, except for a passage i have been keeping close to my heart since early november: to hold onto life with a desire for a “work of faith, labor of love, and steadfastness of hope” (1st Thessalonians 1:3, ESV) in Him. “Steadfastness of hope” – that’s what i want my heart to have, no matter what may come in 2011.

and what may come in 2011? i don’t know. it’s nice to dream and anticipate, and i have my hopes and dreams and desires just as much as the next girl. but i want to remain steadfast in those hopes, and not base my hopes on people or situations here, but in Him. He is good, and faithful, and we shall see.

 

we shall see.