Funny that i am currently sitting in a mcdonald’s in wilmington, watching people around me eat their lunches, some staring blankly into space or out the window. it’s Good Friday today, the day that we traditionally observe Christ’s crucifixion on the cross. i haven’t been able to spend much time this past week reflecting on what this means to me today. i have gotten caught up with work, with meeting clients, with complaining about my challenges, with chasing Productivity, with spending time with friends, with playing with ernie, with reading, watching television, with whimsical nonsense. in some sense, this week has felt to me like the longest week ever. maybe He’s been trying to tell me something.
i sat in supervision yesterday with one of my beloved supervisors and shared with her about the gradual burn-out i have been feeling. i think i am forgetting what this work, and my place in it, is supposed to mean in the grand scheme of things. i think towards the future, about wanting to use these skills on the mission field [if i should ever go overseas], and forget that i am already using my skills on the mission field here. here and now. it’s not what i quite expected it to be, but it’s all about perspective. and in the past several months or so, my perspective has gradually shifted into distortion.
so today i sit at this mcdonald’s and think about Good Friday. Christ went to the cross for my sins. for me. He went because i am a sinner. He carried that cross for me. again, it’s been so easy to forget this or push it to the back of my mind when there are daily distractions. to take a step back and consciously remember and meditate and read and reflect means making myself vulnerable. it’s a scary place to be, even if just for a minute.
but i think i’m already there. and at the end of it, i rejoice in the realization that God is good. that although today is a day to honor death, it is only the appetizer to the main course, which is awesome, scrumptious, wonderful… a grand celebration.
God is good. therefore i rejoice. and even this simple thought gives me joy that will, hopefully, last through the day…