i’m sitting in a nondescript motel room in San Francisco, South of MArket street (SoMA), wondering how tomorrow morning will pan out. the last 2 1/2 years have been a blur, and it’s been difficult for me to grasp that i am almost finished with this doctoral program… that i am wading through pre-doctoral internship interviews this month and will soon, hopefully, be matched somewhere for next year, God willing. in a way, it takes me back to when i was applying for jobs post-APU, interviewing at dozens of places, with hardly any clinical experience, at the beginning of a lifelong journey. today, i am in a different place, having walked with dozens of families and individuals, witnessing their own journeys towards healing and stronger relationships, but in a way doing this all over again – attempting to show my competence and stand out from the dozens of other doctoral students with the same hopes and dreams of landing an internship. ultimately, i have confidence that God will open the door to wherever He wants me to be. He has been faithful in doing so thus far. But also, I must remind myself that this life, and His purpose, are so much bigger than what I’ve imagined. whether I am in San Francisco or in Long Beach next year, or whether I fail at internship match-ing and need to re-apply next year, I want to trust in the Lord and remember that it’s about Him and His glory… not my own desires.
it’s hard for me to explain this to friends and family who don’t get it – the stirring of my heart and passions towards a Dream that has never been all mine in the first place. i don’t want them to feel like I’m imposing or projecting upon them. but to me, it’s always made sense… even when i didn’t have the words to verbally define or conceptualize the desires of my heart. I’m driven by something deeper than myself.
Regardless of where I will be in September of 2017, just nine months from now, I know that I have been blessed with much. and there is still much i want to do. i hope i will always continue to live with this passion, of living outside of myself, believing in Someone bigger than myself, and bringing His joy to the world, one family at a time.